Dear Mr. President –

Dear Mr. President –

It’s been a while since I last wrote, almost two years in fact.  I have to say, it’s been a long while coming.  You’ve accomplished quite a lot, and for most of that I am pretty appreciative.

There’s this thing, though, that keeps cropping up.  It’s been really bothering me, and although I’ve tried to set my feelings aside, I have to talk about it.  For starters, please don’t get me wrong, I still think you’re an okay guy.

What’s that thing, you ask?  Well, it’s this.

Bipartisanship.

It keeps cropping up.  More accurately, you seem to be letting it get in the way of accomplishing things.  What bothers me about this, and from what I understand it bothers a lot of other people, too, is that you just seem to be a little too nice to the people who want to destroy us.

See, the problem here is that I didn’t vote for the Tea Party back in 2008.  They’re out of their gourds, and they’re pretty damned stupid, to boot.  I mean, let’s be serious here – Michelle Bachmann needs a long-sleeve jacket…and I mean a really long-sleeved one, see?  I’d be surprised if she could spell “college,” much less ever have attended one.  John Boehner is in the same boat – probably a bit smarter, but what he lacks in stupid he makes up for in dishonesty.  And Mitch McConnell?  Does the guy have an honest bone in his body?

And yet, when issues come up – there they are, yammering away, and you seem to just go along with it.  Now granted, I liked the whole “Hey, sorry, assholes, I was busy nailing bin Laden to a tree.”  That was good.  But this entire business of worrying about the debt and listening to the GOP talking points as if they had some sense…let’s face it, Mr. President, they’ve got all the sense of a deer standing in front of a truck.  Their top candidate, John McCain, had to have an aid whisper in his ear “Uh, sir, that economy thing – that’s where the other people, the ones who don’t have eleven houses, they live there – well, that economy thing, it’s in the shitter.”  This was their candidate for the Presidency, sir.  Supposedly the best they had to offer.

And he didn’t have a freaking clue.  He was so completely oblivious, that when it struck him, he stupidly asked for a halt to the campaigning so he could appraise himself of the situation.

Now, the GOP is using the same playbook on you that they used on Clinton.  Jabber about how bad the deficit is, as if they have any fiscal sense whatsoever.  Allow me to point out, sir, what you have failed to do:  that deficit is all theirs.  They didn’t bitch in the slightest when it was their coke-head drunkard of a President running up the bill.  They have no right to complain at all about it now, when it has become necessary to run a deficit in order to put people back to work, pay unemployment, and get some grease on the wheels of the economy.

It would make a world of difference to me, and to many like me, if you were to stand up and say something along the lines of:

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the past few months we’ve been regaled by the Republican leadership about the hazards of the national deficit, and the overall magnitude of the debt.  And well we should hear it from them, who are responsible for it.  They have not only told us all about it, but they have also blocked every effort we have made to jump-start this economy and get people back to work, instead focusing their attention on union-busting and calling for every citizen of the US to take the punishment for the actions of a select few, whose reckless gambling and insane spending habits have pushed this country to the brink of bankruptcy.  And now they play political gamesmanship with your financial future again, threatening to let the country go bankrupt unless they get their tax breaks for the very people who caused this fiasco in the first place.”

You can then detail a few of their choicer idiocies, which I’m sure your staff can drum up for you.  Or you could call Jon Stewart, he’s got tons of them.  Four nights a week.

Then, you can deliver your knockout punch:

“You see, my fellow Americans, these people don’t believe we can make it.  They don’t believe you deserve to retire gracefully.  They don’t believe you deserve to maintain your health and dignity, regardless of age.  They have theirs, and they’re happy to see you swing in the wind.  But we will not allow that to happen.  We, my fellow Americans, we will succeed in spite of them and their political hostage-taking.  I am here to put in front of you a new plan for revitalizing our nation…”

And then you put forward the highlights of your plan to take the savings from ending our two off-books wars, ending of the Bush-era tax cuts, a re-direction of a major chunk of our military budget, and phase those monies into national infrastructure projects, aimed at shoring up the elements of our country that the GOP has foolishly allowed to decay – new roads, new bridges, new energy, new airports (with lots of new air traffic controllers), new rail systems.  The things that will not only provide jobs in and of themselves, but will enable existing companies to get their goods to new markets faster and more efficiently, giving our economy not only the immediate jolt it needs to roll again, but also to provide the long-term benefit that will return us to being the powerhouse we were.

Now I know this kind of confrontation isn’t new to you – after all, you handed that pack of jackasses their hats when you showed up at their little congressional invitational event.  I expect you even enjoy that sort of thing.  At least, I hope you do.

When you deliver this kind of message – the message I voted for, two years ago – then I suspect you’ll see those poll numbers of yours take a good bit of a jump.  Not only that, but you’ll leave the GOP quaking.  Because you own the facts on these issues, Mr. President. They own squat.  And calling them out on their lies is the one thing that will have them squirting their trousers faster than anything.

Those of us, the ones who have been waiting for the news, would really, really appreciate it.

It’d give us something to think about this fall.  Instead of staying at home and watching re-runs of whatever is on at the moment, we might spend some time thinking that the President we elected isn’t afraid to kick the teeth in on a bunch of treasonous Republicans who’d rather throw the rest of us under the bus in order to grease their own wallets.

Hell, we might even come out of the house this November and vote “D” on our ballots.

Sincerely yours –

T

 

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What Not To Do

Lying.  Generally, it’s best not to do this.

Granted, in some circumstances, lies are necessary (i.e., “Herr Theobald, are you concealing any Jews in your attic?”, “Why no, not at all, why do you ask?”).  But I’m not talking about that kind of extreme circumstance here.  I’m discussing in everyday business.

I’m going to point to a hypothetical situation, and hope it draws some real-world connections for you, dear reader.

  1. Executive/Sales/whatever staffer is confronted with what could be considered a legitimately urgent requirement for a deployment package of the latest version of the company’s software.
  2. Staffer feels that under the circumstance, the urgent requirement may not express the level of urgency truly desired.  Whether this is out of sheer hubris (“I want to see these people jump when I want them to,”), anxiety (“I really need to close this deal, badly,”), or mistaken assumptions (“Unless I really blow the horn hard, they aren’t going to take me seriously,”), doesn’t matter.  Staffer decides to exaggerate or outright lie regarding the urgency required.
  3. Development team goes into drop-everything mode and smokes the pavement trying to get the package together.

This is an entirely predictable situation.  In fact, it has happened in real life.  I suspect to others besides just me.  Actually, thinking about it, I am quite certain it has – and so often, really, that it has its very own parable.

The boy who cried wolf.  For those of you unfamiliar with the parable described, go check it on Google.  It’s all right.  I’ll wait right here.

If you happen to find yourself in the situation of the Staffer mentioned above, allow me to elaborate on why you should resist the temptation to invent or exaggerate your sense of urgency.  I hope the consequences will become clear as I do.

First off, your exaggeration will very likely be discovered.  The team in question is generally comprised of several people, and for each person involved you amplify the odds of someone finding out.  Once one of them does, they all shortly will know.  Once they all do, you will suffer the following effects:

  • The team will lose a measure of respect for you – which, if it is low already, can be disastrous for your career.  As well, this sort of treatment leads to resentment – not a conducive emotion for cordial working relationships.
  • The team will view your future requests/demands for attention to be just that:  demands for attention, and not urgent business concerns.  So when you have a genuinely urgent need, your ability to convince others to jump in to help you will be impaired.
  • If the subject of your exaggeration was successful, it will be viewed by the team as illegitimate, not gained in a worthy fashion.  For particularly sleazy individuals, this will pose no great concern.  For engineers and people who make a living actually building things, it is crucial.
  • If the subject of your exaggeration was a failure, the team will have little or no sympathy for you, and will expend very little effort in assisting you in digging your hindquarters out of whatever hole you’ve managed to land yourself in.

These are only the topics that are most obvious outcomes of such an event.  There are other, subtler and probably more far-reaching ones, but for the purposes of this discussion, they’ll suffice.  I hope reading through them that the general idea is getting through:  the consequences of exaggeration are negative ones.

Now, consider the alternative:  being honest.  This might not come naturally to some, but it is my hope that most of you reading this will consider this a more natural direction to take.

Let’s address the causes I mentioned above for the sense of need around the dishonest approach, and turn them around to the choice of being honest:

  • “I want to see these people jump when I want them to.” :  If that was really your intent, then you really need to seek mental assistance.  If you have to follow this path, then my advice is twofold – don’t do this often, and when you do, at least couch it in respectful terms.  Something like “I’d like to see how fast we are able to accomplish goal XYZ, so let’s try this, this coming Thursday.  I’ll have a requirement that morning, and let’s see how fast we can get it done.”  This way, you can stroke your own ego, while actually serving a reasonable purpose.
  • “I really need to close this deal, badly.”  Okay, so tell us.  Trust us.  If you come to a gang of engineers whom you have treated respectfully in the past, and you tell them that you have a real issue and need their assistance, nine times out of ten we will help you.
  • “Unless I really blow the horn hard, they aren’t going to take me seriously.”  Yes we will.  Unless you have been treating us with disdain or contempt, or doing generally disrespectful things to us, we will take you seriously.  We’ll also probably try hard to help you as best we can.

There’s an undercurrent to these things that should be notable by now:  respect.  Have it.  Exercise it.  Engineers and developers have lives, just like you do.  That they might spend their spare time doing things they consider fun and you don’t should not enter the equation.  Many of them have families, friends, they might want to watch hockey, or they might have a date planned.  If you screw them, they won’t forget it.  If you screw them and don’t mitigate the situation, they not only won’t forget it, but they’ll probably tell every new hire about you, and your reputation will probably accompany you to whatever firm you move to down the road.

Generally, you’re better off cultivating a respectful working relationship with developers and engineers.  They’re in positions where they can be of great assistance to you, and engendering goodwill is the only way you’ll ever get them to cooperate willingly.

And you can start by not BSing them.

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Let’s try this again…

My previous host was a total waste, timing out repeatedly on an anorexic wordpress site.  This is a new hosting company – hopefully a better-performing one.

We’ll see!

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